she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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