I just saw a hot homeless man
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My vagina just clenched in fear
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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