i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
