Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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