You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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