dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
