you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
