Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
