My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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