they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
