i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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