sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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