the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
