I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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