The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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