Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
