I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
