You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
