You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
