College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
