Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
