Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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