Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
