The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
