hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
