so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
