why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
