if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
