NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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