Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
