I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
