Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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