Do you still have your period?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
