Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
