With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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