I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
