dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
