God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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