The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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