worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
