first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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