don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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