you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
