i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
