i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
