no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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