it wasn't lemon gatorade
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think my moral compass just broke
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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