Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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