Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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