I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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